Tuesday, 3 March 2009

Still no sign of Lomax...........

Still no sign of Lomax.

I got up three times through the night to call Lomax at the back door, after going to bed at 1.45am. Checked the ‘junk store’, and the log store, each time in case he was in there and too tired, or injured, to be able to come to the back door.

I took the Harley out and after I’d got a birthday card for my niece, Olivia, I drove around all the roads around here, and the posh estate behind me, looking for him. It was raining and I got soaked, so I turned on the heating, and lit the fire, and once again felt guilty. It was pouring outside, and all I can see in my mind is him somewhere out there, feeling alone, hungry, scared and wretched. I missed him watching me as I prepared to light it. He was always so fascinated, and would look up at me, back to the fireplace, and up to me again, as if to say “This is really great, innit?”

And y’know, it was great. For someone so small, and not human either, he filled a room. If he wasn’t somehow interacting with me, he was watching. Sometimes he was sound asleep, but if you got out of the chair, at least one eye would crack open at least a few thou’ just to check out what was happening.

I used to love to watch him sleeping, his little body rising and falling with each breath, and loved how perfect he was, how young, how completely undamaged by life. Just so handsome and perfect. I loved making his day as good as it could be.

I miss him so much.

God, I hope he’s at least somewhere dry tonight.

Everything I do here, however small, had some involvement with him, or he influenced how I did it one way or another, even if only checking he wasn’t under my feet. In most things I do I’m constantly reminded he’s not here.

I’ve just had some ham and tomatoes, stood at the cutting board…….. my staple diet. He loooooved the cheap sliced Lidl’s ham. No matter how sneaky and quiet I was, and even if he was stuck into his grub around the corner, he’d know I was at it, and would pester me ceaselessly for some. He was a ham junkie. I looked down as I was eating it, and there was no Lomax stood on his hind legs, his lithe body stretched to full length, and no little face beseeching me for a morsel.

I can’t believe this hurts so much, I really can’t.

Be safe, wherever you are, and find your way home old son.

I miss you.


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