Tuesday, 11 January 2011

The lies we're told..........

Ok, gonna try and write to this every day, but quite how to write anything worth the while, let alone reading, is quite another thing.

Mad Eddie from the States says I’ve gotta write something in a journal every day, so it might as well be on here as anywhere.



Still thinking………… {:o*

Pete called in, and we’ve, yet again, been wondering how I can survive once I’ve plucked up the courage to tell ‘Them’ to stuff the job…… that’s the job that’s been driving me nuts for the last fifteen years.

Fifteen years.

Think about that.

Ok, never mind……. I will.

That’s at least how long this job has been having a serious effect on my mental state, and so my life here at home. Someone asked me recently why I didn’t leave years ago when I first knew it was screwing me up?

Well, the answer is, I didn’t know at any given moment in time that it was…….. not to the extent that it has. Each and every day was just a drip into the can that was tipping the scales against me. It was my job….. the only one I knew how to earn a living at, and it paid out every month for the privilege of doing exactly what it wanted to do to me. Each month I took that money, and allowed those in authority over me to do it all again for the next month, and the next, and the next………

It’s like a hypnosis, a paralysing hypnosis, where you believe, as I still do now, that you can do nothing against the hold it has on you. You have your bills to pay. You have the things that you like to do, and they all have to be paid for too. The Man wants your taxes to pay for the mechanisms to keep you in line…….. so you keep going.

You were brought up to believe that if you work hard, behave decently and are honest, you will be rewarded.

You will be regarded with integrity, and your efforts will be honoured above those who fall short of those standards.

The hypnosis that started as a child has you prisoner, as do the financial constrictions you willingly pull around you as you gather more and more of the moss of possessions all around you like a cloak.

Then you finally realise it was all a big lie.

You see bastards succeeding with deceit and betrayals, and you realise most of them are above you laughing all the way to the bank; comfortably doing less than you are to hold them up there above you. Telling their lies every day to comfortably pad their nests out even more.

You stand and tell the truths about whom they are and what they’re doing, and no one above you listens, even though they know you speak the truth, and you feel the injustice of it all.

You look around…… and they’re all at it, in every walk of life…….. those at the top, doing it to those under them, and it’s happening everywhere.

You despair.

You wish you’d seen this years ago when you were young and could’ve fought back.

You try and throw in the towel……… but it’s hard.

They keep paying you at the end of the month to carry on……. month after month after month, and the fear of not making it through a month without that financial carrot to chew on holds you like a quicksand.

How many lives….. good lives, have been sacrificed for the bad to succeed?

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